Today is a new Day
Mood:  rushed

This was also a rough week. They repossessed my car last week, which means that Pat and I are now sharing a car -- not the most convenient situation in the world.

We are also in the process of moving now. I got the keys for the new apartment today. I figure we have about 5 car loads left, plus the 2 dogs and 2 cats. We need to be out of the old apartment by Thursday afternoon. I figure 1 more load today, 3 loads tomorrow, and the animals and a load on Thursday. If I calculated wrong, there may be a second load on Thursday, but I really don't think so. That will leave about 12 loads in storage, which I'm planning on having out by the 1st of the month.

Hopefully Pat won't have to work on Saturday. Right now, he has to wait for cable to come and install, as well as Rent-a-Center to deliver the television set. In addition to that, he needs to paint the apartment, as well as unload whatever I bring back with me from storage.

Right now I just feel like everything is closing in around me -- moving, work, school, mystery shopping -- its all bidding for my time. The most important thing I can do is sit back, take a deep breath, and prioritize. The calendar and the clock have a way of setting their own priorities.

Pat wants to try marriage counseling again. In the next couple of days, we'll need to try to get something set up. Its really no big deal. Its only three sessions and its not like its going to change anything. I'm also going to try to get the credit classes set up, so that I can get the bankruptcy underway. I also need to get my notary as well as handle getting mom's car transferred to Debbie. Also on the agenda -- the divorce.

Time to step back, take a deep breath, and plunge forward. Today's to-do list: get my homework caught up, go to the grocery, and get another load moved to the new apartment. Time to get going!!!

A Rough Week
Mood:  blue

This has been a rough week. I've found a new apartment and am planning on starting to move on Wednesday, May 16th. I hate moving so much. half of the stuff from the apartment is already in storage. The other half is the pets (2 dogs and 2 cats) and about 10 car loads. I think I'll just put all of the clothes in garbage bags and wash and fold/hang them once we get to the new apartment. At this point, I think about 1/2 of what is in the apartment goes into the trash.

One of the things that will make moving more difficult is Pat's new schedule and mine. Pat is in school M-Thur from 9Am - Noon and then is starting a job M-F 3-11:30 PM. I work T-F 11-7:30 PM and Sat 10-6:30 PM and have classes on Thursday evening at 8 and 10 PM.  This doesn't allow a lot of time for us to correlate a move. His starting work will allow us to get our finances together a little bit.  Its going to be a tough 2 weeks until he gets his first pay check. As usual, I'll do whatever I have to to keep everything afloat.

Life, as always, is a balancing act--trying to keep all of the balls in the air. This isn't changing anything. I'm still going through with the divorce and the bankruptcy once I'm settled in. Pat wants to try one more attempt at marriage counseling. I'm up to that, but it won't change anything. Maybe it, along with working, will help him accept it better.

I have to take life as it comes, and do what I need to do to get the job done. Right now, the first priority is work and make money, second is school, and third is moving. That's all I can handle right now. Once I'm moved and unpacked, I can move on to the bankruptcy, getting my notary, taking care of mom's estate for Debbie, and then the divorce. Hopefully, it will all happen this summer. I want to get my life settled by the end of the year.

I Don't Want to Be Here!
Mood:  blue

This is what I find so difficult about the whole situation. I just don't want to be here -- and nothing else will make it any better. I'm basically off work until next Tuesday (with the exception of a few hours overtime today and Friday) and a couple of mystery shops I need to complete.

I gave myself this time to finish my two classes, run laundry, pack some boxes and move some more stuff into storage. But once again everything has to be Pat's way and what I want to do doesn't count.

I can't help it, I just can't stand the son-of-a-bitch. He wants to go to marriage counseling. That is the last thing I want to do again. We've already tried it 5 times and it's never worked. The last thing I want to do is make this marriage work. I just want out of here!

The First Mile
Mood:  chatty

I have been wanting to do this for quite sometime. My journey actually began over a year ago. When I turned 49, I decided I wasn't happy with my life. I didn't want to wake up at 60 and wonder what would have happened if I had tried this instead.

I had gone back to school at 46 (about a week before my 47th birthday) and since that time have completed 2 associates degrees (Paralegal and Criminal Justice) and am now working on my bachelor's degree in Legal Studies with my eye on Law School. I'm ambitious and driven, and that's part of where the problems between Pat and I arise. Pat has no ambition, breathing is a challenge for him. And I'm just tired of it. After 6 years in a miserable marriage, I've just had enough.

This is the start of my journey -- correcting all of the things that are wrong in my life. In this journey I will find a new place to live, file bankruptcy, file for divorce, complete my education (if such a thing is ever really possible), and hopefully find a new, more fulfilling realtionship.